Posted: 03 Sep 2008 07:20 AM CDT
Posted: 03 Sep 2008 07:18 AM CDT
Posted: 03 Sep 2008 07:16 AM CDT
Posted: 03 Sep 2008 07:14 AM CDT
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the priority. I am psychic.
6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.
8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.
10. Never introduce me to the people you’re with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager’s hell.
12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.
13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I’m not here for the money anyway.
Posted: 03 Sep 2008 07:12 AM CDT
Posted: 03 Sep 2008 07:12 AM CDT
Posted: 03 Sep 2008 07:10 AM CDT
YOUTUBE BACK IN 1985 - Really hilarious depiction of how Youtube might have been like when it was first started in 1985. And it probably is!
Posted: 03 Sep 2008 07:09 AM CDT
Better known as Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter movie series is a French-born British. Born on 15 April 1990, she started starring in plays since 10 but only became a professional actress in 2001 when the Harry Potter movie started filming. She apparently earned more than £10 million from the series thus far, and has admitted that she doesn’t need to work for money anymore. However, she has insisted on continuing her studies. Afterall, she was a straight-A student in her GCSE examinations with 8-A* and 2 A grades. You go girl!
Posted: 03 Sep 2008 07:04 AM CDT
Posted: 03 Sep 2008 07:02 AM CDT
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet.
The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.
Many people had tried over time (weight lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.
One day a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, “I’d like to try the bet.”
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. He then handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man, “what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?”
The man replied, “I work for the IRS.”
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