Posted: 02 Sep 2008 07:30 AM CDT
Posted: 02 Sep 2008 07:27 AM CDT
Does she look familiar to you? She might if you have been watching the recently concluded Beijing Olympics 2008, track-and-field events. Yup, she was one of the Olympics athlete, Javelin throw to be more precise. I can safely say that she is one of the most beautiful athlete in this year’s Olympics if not THE most beautiful one. Believe it or not, she has also participated in the Miss Paraguay and the Miss Bikini Universe pageant! Gorgeous and sporty, this Hungarian sporting beauty is definitely irresistible!
Posted: 02 Sep 2008 07:24 AM CDT
Posted: 02 Sep 2008 07:21 AM CDT
Posted: 02 Sep 2008 07:18 AM CDT
Posted: 02 Sep 2008 07:15 AM CDT
Posted: 02 Sep 2008 07:12 AM CDT
Really smart short joke that makes fun of 4 countries (or state) at once with a single question:
These four guys were walking down the street, a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker.
A reporter comes running up and says, “Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?”
The Saudi says, “What’s a shortage?”
The Russian says, “What’s meat?”
The North Korean says, “What’s an opinion?”
The New Yorker, says, “Excuse me?? What’s excuse me?”
Posted: 02 Sep 2008 07:09 AM CDT
Posted: 02 Sep 2008 07:06 AM CDT
Posted: 02 Sep 2008 07:03 AM CDT
Here’s more (much more) answering machine messages that you might like to try.
Well I finally got an answering machine. Now how does this thing work? Hmmm. Press record button, I did that, and the light should be on. I wonder why it’s not working right.
(Owner is a hard-to-reach person:) Yes, I finally got an answering machine. (To Handel’s Messiah:) Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia! All-e-lu-ia! Please leave a message at the tone.
What you are about to hear is not a beep. It is a digitally manipulated fart.
Prepare for alpha test of Beep Software revision 1.05. Counting down to test: 5… 4… 3… 2… 1…
Don’t you do it! Don’t you dare! I don’t want to hear it! Don’t you beep! If you beep, I’ll… don’t even think about it!… Don’t…!
No! NO! Not THAT! Anything but that! Not the beep! No! Please! Not the beep! Anything but the beep! AAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!
(Computer style monotone:) Hello, I am the XS486 Mark Five answering machine. I am equipped with the new Pentium processor to assure that nothing can go wrong… Gowrong… Grong..
Hello. I’m David’s answering machine. What are you?
Hi, this is John’s answering machine. He’s not here, but I’m open to suggestions.
Hello. This is Ron’s answering machine, Marvin, and I’m SO depressed. I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don’t talk to
Voice 1: Answer the phone, please, Hal.
Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the
(Two Computer generated voices:)
(Rod Serling imitation:) You’re dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world without time, where sound collides with color and shadows explode. You see a signpost up ahead — this is no ordinary
— authority figures —
Thank you for calling Soviet Embassy. No KG… Er, no diplomats are able to answer phone, so at sound of capitalist tone, leave name, telephone number, and short description of secrets you wish to sell.
The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password.
(Militaristic mechanical voice:)
You just dialed into the North American Air Defense Contract Center. Stand by at the tone to give coordinates and destination of incoming bogey. TNR Surveillance will scramble. If you do not respond, this unit will assume incoming….
Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I’ll be right with you.
— odd organizations —
This is a test. This is a test of the Answering Machine Broadcast System. This is only a test.
(To the tune of “Ride of the Valkyries”:)
(Pink Floyd’s “Nobody Home”:) You have reached 587-8783.
(”Muppet Show” theme:)
— family fun —
This is Fred. We are not… Excuse me a moment, please. Put your sister down. PUT YOUR SISTER DOWN! (Sound of window breaking.) Great! What a mess. I’ll have to get back to you later.
(Loud sounds of a massive battle; calm voice:) Hello! Due to the breakdown in the 452nd truce, the inhabitants of village 286-3589 are cowering in their bomb shelters. However, if you
My wife and I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you’ll leave your name and number, we’ll get back to you as soon as we’re finished.
— can’t answer right now because… —
Hello, there is no one home to answer the phone. This doesn’t mean we don’t want to talk with you. It simply means there is no one home to talk with you. Some people get the incorrect
(Sound of scrap metal falling down a staircase continues through message.) Hello, we are having some technical problems right now, so we can’t take your call. Please leave us a message.
(Automatic gunfire, explosions, rockets, jets; agitated voice:)
Hi! I can’t answer the phone right now. Bob, that’s my pet parakeet, just swallowed a cherry bomb. It wasn’t lit, but I’ve got to get him to the bathroom. Uh-oh! (Sound of a paper bag
Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I have plenty of money.
(Narrator’s voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine.
Hi. I’m probably home, I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like.
— you’re in big trouble —
(Sinister organ music:) Hello, you have reached the Brown residence. You now have two choices. Number one, you may leave a message. (Angelic “Hallelujah!”) Or number two, suffer eternal damnation. (Horrid death scream.) You decide.
The machine answering this message is connected to a 5000 volt power supply, and a relay which is wired to this small kitten. (Sound of a kitten meowing.) If you hang up before you leave a message, it will complete the circuit and fry the kitty. The choice is YOURS!
Leave a message or I’ll send 30,000 volts through your phone.
You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of YOUR voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you.
— befuddle the caller —
(A busy signal.)
(Recorded directly from AT&T:) We’re sorry, but the number you dialed is disconnected or no longer in service.
The number you have reached, 226-0477, has been changed. The new number is 226-0477. (Yes, same number.) Please check your number and dial again.
|You are subscribed to email updates from Funtasticus.com |
To stop receiving these emails, you may unsubscribe now.
|Email Delivery powered by FeedBurner|
|Inbox too full? Subscribe to the feed version of Funtasticus.com in a feed reader.|
|If you prefer to unsubscribe via postal mail, write to: Funtasticus.com, c/o FeedBurner, 20 W Kinzie, 9th Floor, Chicago IL USA 60610|