Posted: 26 Aug 2008 07:20 AM CDT
Posted: 26 Aug 2008 07:18 AM CDT
Posted: 26 Aug 2008 07:16 AM CDT
Posted: 26 Aug 2008 07:14 AM CDT
A man comes into the ER and yells, “My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab!” I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s –Dress, and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall.
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a “massive internal fart.”
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, “Cover your right eye with your hand.” He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
Now your left.” Again, a flawless read. Now both,” I requested. There was silence. He couldn’t even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. Which one?”
I asked. The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it!” I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, “How long have you been bed-ridden?”
After a look of complete confusion she answered … Why, not for about twenty years — when my husband was alive.”
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, So, how’s your breakfast this morning?”
It’s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste,” the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled “KY Jelly.”
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, “I’m sorry. Was I tickling you?”
She replied, “No doctor, but the song you were whistling was ‘I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.”
Posted: 26 Aug 2008 07:12 AM CDT
Posted: 26 Aug 2008 07:10 AM CDT
Posted: 26 Aug 2008 07:08 AM CDT
Posted: 26 Aug 2008 07:06 AM CDT
Cintia Dicker, probably not one of the most fortunate names around in the modeling industry, is a Brazilian model of German descent. Born on 12 June 1986, she has appeared in many commercials for Ann Taylor and Yves Saint-Laurent. She is most notable for her numerous freckles (any fetish here?) and of course, her pouty lips. Interesting trivia, she is room-mates with other hot models Caroline Trentini and Bruna Erhardt in New York City.
Posted: 26 Aug 2008 07:04 AM CDT
Posted: 26 Aug 2008 07:02 AM CDT
You Know You’re Getting Older When…
You and your teeth don’t sleep together.
Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren’t wearing any.
At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you’re not eating cereal.
Your back goes out, but you stay home.
You wake up looking like your driver’s license picture.
It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
Happy hour is a nap.
You’re on vacation, and your energy runs out before your money does.
You say something to your kids that your mother said to you, and you always hated it.
You look for your glasses for half an hour, and they were on your head the whole time.
You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
All you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
Getting “lucky” means you found your car in the parking lot.
It takes twice as long to look half as good.
Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.
You give up all your bad habits and still don’t feel good.
You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don’t care
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