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Posted: 30 Dec 2008 06:30 AM CST |
Posted: 30 Dec 2008 06:20 AM CST |
Posted: 30 Dec 2008 06:10 AM CST |
Posted: 30 Dec 2008 06:00 AM CST 1. My legions of terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face-concealing ones. 2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through. 3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon. 4. Shooting is NOT too good for my enemies. 5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. 6. I will not gloat over my enemies’ predicament before killing them. 7. When the rebel leader challenges me to fight one-on-one and asks, “Or are you afraid without your armies to back you up?” My reply will be, “No, just sensible.” 8. When I’ve captured my adversary and he says, “Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?” I’ll shoot him, and then say “No”. 9. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out. 10. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labeled “Danger: Do Not Push”. 11. I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is destined to overthrow me — I’ll do it myself. 12. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum — a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well. 13. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat. 14. I will not waste time making my enemy’s death look like an accident: I’m not accountable to anyone and my other enemies wouldn’t believe it. 15. I will make it clear that I DO know the meaning of the word “mercy”; I simply choose not show them any. 16. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation. 17. All slain enemies will be cremated, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. Announcements of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal. 18. My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as members of my organization, nor will they be required to wear military boots or adhere to any other dress codes. 19. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request. 20. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation. 21. I will design all doomsday machines myself. If I must hire a mad scientist to assist me, I will make sure that he is sufficiently twisted never to regret his evil ways and seek to undo the damage he’s caused. 22. I will never utter the sentence “But before I kill you, there’s just one thing I want to know.” 23. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice. |
Posted: 30 Dec 2008 05:50 AM CST |
When Dad is Left With the Kids Posted: 30 Dec 2008 05:40 AM CST |
Posted: 30 Dec 2008 05:30 AM CST COMEDIAN ON MAN & WOMAN’S BRAINS - This is the comedian Mark Gungor on the differences between man & woman’s brains. Very accurate indeed! NAUGHTY ON THE PHOTOCOPIER - Lady decides to have some fun with the photocopier but doesn’t realize that another guy already had his own version of ‘fun’ before her. PAINFUL TIGHT ROPE - Bet he didn’t realize the tight rope could hurt him like that. |
Danielle Lloyd Sexy Christmas Costume Posted: 30 Dec 2008 05:20 AM CST |
Russia’s Presidential Aircraft Posted: 30 Dec 2008 05:10 AM CST |
Posted: 30 Dec 2008 05:00 AM CST The couple were 85 years old and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade. One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven. They reached the pearly gates, and St.. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favourite clothes in the closet. The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.' Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages. The old man pushed, 'No gym to work out at?' The old man glared at his wife and said, 'You and your fucking Bran Flakes. We could have been here ten years ago!' |
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