Funtasticus.com |
Posted: 11 Dec 2008 06:30 AM CST he Wonderful World by William Brighty Rands Great, wide, beautiful, wonderful World, The wonderful air is over me, You friendly Earth, how far do you go, Ah! you are so great, and I am so small, “If the wonderful world is great to you, |
Hollywood Provocative and Semi-Nude Pinups Posted: 11 Dec 2008 06:20 AM CST These are some of famed photographer Timothy White best collections of Hollywood celebrities wearing very little and looking beautiful. The 1940’s style pinup photo-book features celebrities Angie Harmon, Cindy Crawford, Denise Richards, Elisha Cuthbert, Felicity Huffman, Gina Gershon, Jamie-Lynn Sigler, JEnnifer Beals, Jennifer Morrison, Kate Hudson, Kate Walsh, Lauren Graham, Melissa George, Michelle Trachtenberg, Molly Sims, Mary-Kate Olsen, Ashley Olsen, Rebecca de Mornay, Salma Hayek, Susan Sarandon, Tea Leoni, and Vanessa Williams.
|
Posted: 11 Dec 2008 06:10 AM CST |
Posted: 11 Dec 2008 06:00 AM CST Notes from an inexperienced curry taster named Frank, who was visiting Phoenix, Durban from the U.S. “Recently I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a curry cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (couple of local Indians) that the curry wouldn’t be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted. Here are the scorecards from the event.” Curry # 1: Manoj’s Maniac Mobster Monster Curry JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick. JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild. FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These char o’s are crazy.
JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang. JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I’m not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse curry! Great kick. Needs more beans. JUDGE TWO: A beanless curry, a bit salty, good use of red peppers. FRANK: Call Colesburg, I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now, get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting shit-faced from all the beer. Curry # 4: Barbu’s Black Magic JUDGE ONE: Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing. JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a curry. FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it, is it possible to burn-out taste buds? Savathree, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear waste I’m eating. Is curry an aphrodisiac? Curry # 5: Laveshnee’s Legal Lip Remover JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. JUDGE TWO: Curry using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her curry had given me brain damage. Savathree saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off? It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those char o’s! Curry # 6: Vera’s Very Vegetarian Variety JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spice and peppers. JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Savathree, she must be kinkier than I thought. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone! Curry # 7: Sugash’s Screaming Sensation Curry JUDGE ONE: A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers. JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of curry peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel damn thing. I’ve lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing, it’s too painful. Screw it, I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach. Curry # 8: Hansraj’s Mount Saint Curry JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend curry, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced curry, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he’d have reacted to a really hot curry? FRANK: (editor’s note: Judge #3 was unable to report) |
Kendra Wilkinson & Brittany Bringer Judges Bikini Contest Posted: 11 Dec 2008 05:50 AM CST These are kinds of things Playboy playmates get to do when they are wearing their clothes. They were invited as celebrity guest judges for "The Sun, Fun and 21 Bikini Contest" at The Cove in the Bahamas. Probably a highly-bimbotic job, but hey, if I can get free air-tickets and accommodations to see half-naked chicks on a beach in Bahamas, I probably wouldn’t be complaining!
|
Posted: 11 Dec 2008 05:40 AM CST |
Posted: 11 Dec 2008 05:30 AM CST |
Posted: 11 Dec 2008 05:20 AM CST It is hard to believe that Kate Winslet is already 33. At the juncture of her life, she has decided to go nude on Vanity Fair, even though no nudity is actually shown. Never saw her as a sexy chick, but these photos proves that she has more than a curvaceous and hot figure, which is rarely given the light of day in her movies. I wonder why. Anyway, did you know that Kate Winslet is actually the youngest actress, at age 31, to ever receive 5 Oscar nominations?
|
Posted: 11 Dec 2008 05:10 AM CST |
Posted: 11 Dec 2008 05:00 AM CST What is a Cat? 1. Cats do what they want. 2. They rarely listen to you. 3. They’re totally unpredictable. 4. When you want to play, they want to be alone. 5. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 6. They expect you to cater to their every whim. 7. They’re moody. 8. They leave hair everywhere. What is a Dog? 1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. 2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don’t hear you when you’re in the same room. 3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time. 4. They growl when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play, they want to play. 6. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 7. They leave their toys everywhere. 8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss. 9. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you. |
You are subscribed to email updates from Funtasticus.com Humor & Fun Blog To stop receiving these emails, you may unsubscribe now. | Email Delivery powered by FeedBurner |
Inbox too full? Subscribe to the feed version of Funtasticus.com Humor & Fun Blog in a feed reader. | |
If you prefer to unsubscribe via postal mail, write to: Funtasticus.com Humor & Fun Blog, c/o FeedBurner, 20 W Kinzie, 9th Floor, Chicago IL USA 60610 |
No comments:
Post a Comment