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Posted: 18 Nov 2008 06:50 AM CST |
Posted: 18 Nov 2008 06:40 AM CST |
Making the Right Moves at the Right Time Posted: 18 Nov 2008 06:30 AM CST A young technician and his boss board a train headed through the mountains. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young tech are interested in each because they are giving each other "looks." Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. The grandmother is thinking to herself: "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him." The boss is setting there thinking: "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped and hit me!" The young woman was sitting and thinking: "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother hadn't slapped him!" The young tech sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself: "Life at work is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his boss all at the same time!" |
Posted: 18 Nov 2008 06:30 AM CST |
Posted: 18 Nov 2008 06:20 AM CST |
Posted: 18 Nov 2008 06:20 AM CST |
Posted: 18 Nov 2008 06:10 AM CST |
Posted: 18 Nov 2008 06:10 AM CST |
You Know You Have Been Drinking Too Much When… Posted: 18 Nov 2008 06:00 AM CST Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you. You fall off the floor. You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You have to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. Job interfering with your drinking. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case-coincidence?? You think not! You can focus better with one eye closed. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar. Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops. Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner! Your idea of cutting back is less salt. You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed … hmmm? Roseanne looks good. That damned pink elephant followed you home again. Every night you’re beginning to find your roommate’s cat more and more attractive. You think the four basic food groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and the opposite sex. Don’t recognize your wife unless seen through the bottom of a glass. The shrubbery’s drunk from too frequent watering. You wake up screaming, “TORO TORO TORO!”, in the middle of the night. Two hands and just one mouth…now THAT’S a drinking problem! You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping - with your Oldsmobile. Friends armed with fire extinguishers stood at a safe distance as you Thanks to you, Jack Daniel’s stock is up 15 1/4 since Friday. Boris Yeltsin called personally to ask you to slow down on the Vodka. For some reason, there’s salt on the rim of you basketball goal. Your name is Otis and Sheriff Andy has brought you some of Aunt Bea’s For the money you spent on Thunderbird, you could’ve bought the car. You’re now the proud inventor of the “Slim Jim”: Ultra Slim-Fast shakes made with Jim Beam. Absolute wants to run an add featuring a picture of your liver in the shape of a bottle. Yet again, dry cleaner employees greet you with, “Hey, it’s Vomit Man!” The doorman asks for you I.D. just to see how long it’ll take you to find your pants. Your liver, in a fit of pique, leaps out of your abdominal cavity into a pan of frying onions. Worried friends call Monday morning to make sure you returned the goat. You’re now sober enough to realize “Drink Canada Dry” is a slogan and not a personal challenge. You are lying in bed and it feels like you’re on a merry-go-round. You sound like you’re speaking a different language and get irritated when others don’t understand you. You walk up to a real big dude and ask, “Is it true big guys have real small peckers?” You fart and then feel a lump in your back pocket. |
Posted: 18 Nov 2008 06:00 AM CST This (plane-fanatic?) guy actually designed and built his own car, that looks like a miniature fighter plane. It moves around like any car can, through the city streets and even its wings can be removed if necessary. But seriously, where are the chicks supposed to sit?? But I guess, he wouldn’t be having that problem… |
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